


Never and Always, Touching and Touched

by BardicRaven



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Episode: s03e09 The Climb, Gen, Kissing, Touch-Starved, Touching, touch - pain, touch - pleasure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3111233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardicRaven/pseuds/BardicRaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touch has brought Oliver Queen both pleasure and pain, particularly when it comes to a beautiful blonde IT girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never and Always, Touching and Touched

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I Believe in You and Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1655231) by [serenadreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenadreams/pseuds/serenadreams). 



> “...parted from me and never parted, never and always touching and touched.”
> 
> ##### ST:TOS - S2E1 “Amok Time

***********

_Touch used to bring him pleasure._

Back in his play-boy days. Back when he would arch above the body of his latest lover, driving deep in sweat-soaked lust, touching and touched, until pleasure overcame them both.

 

_Then touch used to bring him pain._

During the time when he was lost, when the last of his childhood was beaten out of him, and touch became a thing to be feared, for all it burned the weakness away, leaving only tempered steel behind.

It was a long time after he returned home before he could accept touch without flinching, searching for motives with wary eyes.

It was why he became casual again after he came back. If he controlled the touch, he controlled the situation. But empty sex begat empty touch, devoid of love or reassurance, the homecoming he truly craved.

 

_Then touch brought him pleasure again._

He was as surprised as any when Felicity Smoak hacked his heart as easily as she hacked servers on his behalf.

He would find himself touching her in passing, hungry for the feel of her, allowing himself the pleasure of getting drunk on the touch, the intoxicating smell of her skin.

 

_Then touch brought him pain again._

He thought he'd become inured to loss – after his time away, after the losses endured at home, but he was wrong.

Seeing Felicity kissing another man, realizing that once again he'd waited too long to say the important words, the words buried deep within his heart, the ones that took time to bubble to the surface, like a particle buried deep in the heart of the sun, brought a pain so deep he thought he would be crushed by the sheer weight of it.

She had breached the carefully constructed layers around his heart, letting the searing pain of loss stab through.

After that night, her touch brought him no comfort, only pain and uncertainty. And if she knew the reason why he stiffened rather than relaxed at her touch now, she never said.

 

_Touch - a moment's pleasure._

Kissing her forehead, in benediction and farewell.

 

_Touch – a moment's pain._

He hadn't lied to Felicity when he'd told her he thought he could win this battle, but at the same time, he welcomed the touch of the blade, welcomed the release of doubt, of uncertainty. 

The paradox of the release of pain by the infliction of pain.

 

_Touch – an eternity of pleasure_

And as he faded away, all he remembered was the pleasure, the comfort, of her touch.


End file.
